And suddenly I'm filled again with that overwhelming sense of how big the world is, the universe is, life is, and I'm urged again to do something about it, about how small this is, this minor and narrow way of being and thinking and breathing and experiencing. Another bout of euphoria too intense to be confined in this, this this that I must escape somehow, vacation from, find releif of, without ever really making sense of what I might even mean by this, but still driven by that suffocating feeling.

And whenever this feeling comes along, it comes with my abandonement of the things that suddenly don't matter, the tedious things that don't cause little explosions of discovery or outburst or revelation.

Unfortunately, that is most things.